666 Toys | Fish Finger Dan | Gildan Unisex Softstyle T-Shirt
Nobody knows where Fish Finger Dan came from. According to the official 666 Toys catalog, he was discovered standing outside a fish processing plant in 1978 wearing a striped tank top, smiling at nothing, and holding one suspiciously damp finger in the air. He refused to explain himself. The toy company immediately hired him as Head of Public Relations.
Dan insists his finger is magical. Nobody has ever asked what it actually does because the last person who did spent six months convinced mayonnaise was a form of currency. Since then, everyone has simply accepted that the finger is "doing its job."
Every morning Fish Finger Dan oils his mustache with canned sardines, irons his shirt with a waffle maker, and telephones the local aquarium to ask whether the fish have finally forgiven him. Nobody knows what happened between Dan and the fish, but every aquarium within fifty miles immediately hangs up when they hear his voice.
He has never technically committed a crime. He just happens to be standing nearby whenever one occurs. Insurance companies refer to this as "The Dan Clause." Lawyers simply pretend he doesn't exist.
Scientists once attempted to clone Fish Finger Dan, but the clone immediately purchased a condominium, declared itself "the original," and disappeared into a swamp to start a motivational speaking business for abandoned shopping carts. Nobody has heard from it since, although postcards occasionally arrive that smell vaguely of ham.
The strange thing is that Fish Finger Dan isn't evil. He isn't good either. He simply exists in a moral gray area where bad ideas are considered hobbies and terrible decisions somehow become local traditions. He'll happily help your grandmother carry groceries, then spend the afternoon teaching pigeons how to file tax returns and convincing your uncle that wallpaper is a government conspiracy.
Some nights you'll hear tiny footsteps wandering through the house. By morning the furniture has been rearranged, all the family photographs include Dan smiling in the background, and your mother insists someone has been disrespecting her pillow again. Dan always denies it, but he also refuses to explain why he keeps carrying a travel-sized bottle labeled "Emergency Finger Moisturizer."
To this day, 666 Toys refuses to answer questions about Fish Finger Dan. Their official statement remains unchanged:
"We don't know who approved him. We don't know how he got into production. We just ask that you don't let him borrow your telephone after midnight."
Fish Finger Dan isn't just another forgotten toy.
He's the reason the toy company stopped doing background checks on imaginary people.
More details
- Solid colors are 100% ring-spun cotton
- Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
- Heather colors are 65% polyester, 35% cotton
- Lightweight fabric (4.2 oz)
- Relaxed fit
- Unisex sizing
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Bertha Beef Curtains
- Email: contact@support.berthabeefcurtains.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. Meets the flammability, lead, cadmium, bisphenols and phthalates level requirements. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
666 Toys | Fish Finger Dan | Gildan Unisex Softstyle T-Shirt Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width | Sleeve length |
|---|---|---|---|
|
S
|
28
|
18
|
16.75
|
|
M
|
29
|
20
|
17.88
|
|
L
|
30
|
22
|
19.13
|
|
XL
|
31
|
24
|
20.38
|
|
2XL
|
32
|
26
|
21.63
|
|
3XL
|
33
|
28
|
22.75
|
